Stop saving white spaces with your labor and leadership

I was at a gathering last year where someone gave a really insightful and poignant presentation on the history of their denomination. They presented the denomination’s legacy of white supremacy, wealth, and cultural power and privilege, as well as how it is attempting to right some of those wrongs. In my estimation, those corrections were painfully individualistic and small relative to the legacy of the institution, but no one was asking for my opinion. 

“Why are so many amazing, brilliant, talented Womxn of Color pouring their life blood and leadership into trying to save these institutions? ”

 As I was listening, all I could think was, why not let it die? Why not just redistribute the denomination’s wealth and resources, and let a new wave of Jesus followers steward them without the dead weight of the white supremacist history and the white supremacists’ theologies, and the patriarchy and heteronormativity that is obviously steeped into every cell of this denomination's culture?

I asked the WOC presenter- and she said that she was still vested in it because the tradition had been a blessing to her 

But frankly, that was not good enough for me. 

“I personally had a good experience,” is not a strong enough argument to keep a white institution going, even if the person saying it is a WOC. These institutions are built on white supremacist and heteropatriarchal theologies. We have to consider their impact on a broader scale.

And these places thrive on extracting labor from WOC in toxic ways. 

Some examples- 

The unbelievable amount of caretaking that is expected of Black women. 

The expectation that Asian American women will enjoy serving behind the scenes. 

The caricature of Latina women as helpful but peripheral. 

The total erasure of Indigenous women. 

The expectation that Black women will be StrongBlackWomen* for the sake of educating white spaces and absorbing an entire institution's anti-Blackness. 

The willingness to tolerate Asian American women if they will conform to white theologies and uphold anti-Black assumptions. 

The acceptance of Latina women if they will be a gracious number two- executing the “visionary” leadership of a white founder or head pastor. 

And oh, did I mention the erasure of Indigenous women? 

I have two core questions. 

Why are so many amazing, brilliant, talented Womxn of Color pouring their life blood and leadership into trying to save these institutions?  

and

Why do institutions believe that once they come into existence they must exist in perpetuity?

 And it's not just denominations, but I ask this about churches as well.  

“When I consider the amount of work it takes to make the tiniest bit of incremental change in historically white spaces, I simply do not believe that is the best use of our emotional time and energy”

• Churches that are clearly waning, but echoing inside giant buildings that they were once able to afford. 

• Suburban churches that are technically thriving, which means financially stable, but anchored in benevolent white supremacy. They exist because of white flight and anti-Blackness. Should financial stability be the only litmus test for whether a church should continue? 

• Justice oriented non-profits that were founded by well intentioned white people, but are  obviously based in white supremacy and paternalism.

•  Non-profits that are based on classist assumptions, and a patronizing view of the very communities they claim to serve. And are anchored in a  white systems of grants and fundraising in order to survive. 

Why are we so committed to supporting these spaces with out gifts?

When I consider the amount of work it takes to make the tiniest bit of incremental change in historically white spaces, I simply do not believe that is the best use of our emotional time and energy. And by our, I mean WOC energy. 

Look at the amount of organizing and public outcry that it takes to create accountability for the murder of one Black person. The men who murdered Breonna Taylor still walk free. To get a small fraction of churches to say that Black Lives Matter took a movement on the ground in Ferguson, across the country, public discourse and massive anti-Black pushback around Colin Kaepernick. Then the filmed public lynching of Ahmed Aurbery, and then George Floyd. And still most churches are talking Black Lives Matter but… with an attention span that lasted a few months at most. 

The number of conversations, committee meetings, and labor exerted massaging the ego of male pastors  and executive directors is endless. The exhaustingly predictable routine of reassuring white women that you’re not mad at them, while trying to convince them to stop supporting racist policies. ( And you are in fact mad at them, because they keep acting like this.) Is this the best use of our emotional energy? Is this the best use of our leadership and gifts as WOC? 

Christianity believes that new life springs from death, that we are not to be afraid of dying. So if we aren’t supposed to fear death, why do we fear the death of institutions? ( I know why, whiteness is anchored in self preservation and power hoarding,  but I’m taking us on a journey here.) Things can exist, serve a purpose for a season and end. Ending a denomination or a church is not the end of Jesus. 

“So if we aren’t supposed to fear death, why do we fear the death of institutions? ”

The idea that an institution has to be all bad in order to end is also a bizarre evaluation tool. We have to pivot from asking, is there some good that has ever happened here, to what is our end goal? What is the liberative dream?  What is our collective imagination moving towards? Is it BIPOC and a few white people expending countless hours, countless amounts of emotional  energy to make incremental change in organizations that do not actually consider their entrenchment in white supremacy a problem? Or can we fold those institutions, redistribute their resources, and imagine a new way forward. 

When I pitch this idea- folks are quick to say that the new thing will not be perfect, it will have problems too. 

Of course it won’t be perfect. 

Perfection is not the goal. 

It will be a hot mess. 

It will be chaotic. 

But it won’t be white supremacy. 

And it won’t be toxic hierarchies. 

It won’t be patriarchy. 

It won’t be a space that attacks the humanity of queer people. 

 I would rather expend energy working towards something new and messy, than old and toxic. 

When I left the white evangelical org that I worked for,  I took the role of Executive Pastor at a predominantly Black church. And when I was working there I would get tired. But not toxic tired. There is an exhaustion to being in white spaces, white supremacist patriarchal Christian spaces. 

Though I was tired when I was working as a pastor, I was tired in a way that was proportionate to the care and labor that I was extending. I wasn’t doing my job, and then a whole other job of trying to justify and defend everything I was doing to white people. 
And it felt amazing. 
Sisters that are trapped in white spaces, the exhaustion you feel is about the whiteness. It is not a normal type of tired.

I know that just because we say an institution should die, doesn’t mean that it will. But are we the ones that are supposed to keep it on life support? 

There are reasons that we stay in white spaces. We need the paycheck. Get Paid!

Your field is predominantly white, so there is no getting around it. I get that.

“ I wasn’t doing my job, and then a whole other job of trying to justify and defend everything I was doing to white people. ”

But I want to question the frequency with which WOC believe that Jesus is calling them to labor for white spaces. We have been socialized by a theology that conflates sacrifice with being used up by white spaces. Our imaginations have been atrophied so that we can only see ourselves orbiting whiteness. And we may be angry and critical as we do it, but it is still a white centered world. We have deeply internalized white supremacy and patriarchy and resist the idea of our own liberation. 

You can stay for a lot of reasons. But don’t stay because you think it is your only option.

Don’t stay because you think it is what Jesus requires.

Don’t stay because you think that white spaces are really interested in not being white supremacists. Sis, they are not serious. Ever. 

And don’t stay because you’ve been deceived into believing that white-centered incrementalism is going to lead to liberation. 

Instead- 

Imagine a world where our disabled, queer BIPOC, migrant families are centered, leading, and thriving. That is different than a world where the privileged extend paternalistic charity. Imagine a world where we create leadership that is collaborative and less anchored in hierarchy. Where we embody and live into theologies that center those most marginalized by society. It will still be a hot mess, cause humans will be involved. But it’s the hot mess I’m willing to expend my labor for. Y’all are brilliant- it isn’t the call of Creator to use all the gifts he gave you to play unappreciated nurse to whiteness. 

Imagine a world where we live more collectively and communal. A world where self-care isn’t about the spa life of upper middle-class women, but a collective movement to share the work, child care, and rhythms of rest together as a community. 

Can the collective dream of the Jesus way realized in spaces that were built for wealthy straight white men? 

No, it can not.

In 2021, I urge you to direct your excellence and brilliance elsewhere.

StrongBlackWoman comes from Dr. Chanequa Walker Barne’s work in her book Too Heavy a Yoke: Black Women and the Burden of Strength